cut off by choice.

i might as well have no handphone.

think about this statement:

you have no messages because you don't send any.


it used to make sense to me.

then i thought, wait a minute, it doesn't.
what if only you had a handphone? no matter what you send or to who, nobody will reply you.
then, if you send a message, the other receives it, but they didn't send a message.

this statement is flawed. it was what i used to keep myself away from my phone.

lately i've been in isolation.

ever since my outburst last last week, then running off all of a sudden, i haven't been stable yet.
i guess it's really dumb, but i'm jammed in my revert mode. and i'm afraid i'll hurt more people, so...

i dunno.

i always thought being a loner was okay, its not so bad. but for a guy who's tasted freedom in friends and family, isolation hurts a lot. i wonder how she lived through it. 2 shes and one he.
with almost no social life and an unhappy life too.

i saw someone like that, i think. i had a friend from primary sch.

he lost his mother.

i have 2 friends like that, but i kinda lost contact w both.

well this guy, his sister helps out at thier family store. selling fish at the pasar.

most girls her age would go "eee,eee, fish" to the point i'd slap them and say "its just a god damn fish. so what if it smells".

most girls her age wear make up and go out with guys so handsome you'd think they were 21.
or with guys so gay you'd think they were foreigners.

she can't do that.

when you look at people like her, you feel... unsettled.

her face has a silent power in it, something that has resigned to a sad, unhappy fate.
i saw the same face last year on someone i used to know.

her face, is the most beautiful i've ever seen, other than my mother's.

someone has taken that place, finally.

but then, i might seem a little bad. think about it, the only thing that's ever attracted me is a show of deep sorrow. i'm... like a fly.

i only land on dead rotting flesh.

isit worth it, being so lively and smart, having all the comforts you ever wanted and yeah, yeah, i'm living the high life (muthukal sirikum nilaithil thikthikkum ninaipai viraikil).

i want to live poor.
but have a lot of money.
i'll work for my family's security, and not for personal gain.

how can someone smile again when they know others are suffering when they are laughing?

that 4/2 indian may laugh, (not you 10) , but i wonder if everytime he teased me and dissed my ideas and notions as weird or strange, has he ever thought about it and asked himself what he would do to help them? or are girls the only thing he thinks about?